Motherfucking Blog

Hola, or something. I’ve been kind of busy, hence the tardiness in updating this shitty blog

I’ve made the great trip from the North of England to the arse end of this country, contrary to all my suspicions about people from the South all being stuck up, conceited dickheads I’ve found this to be nothing but further than the truth. Only most of them are.

Joking aside, I’ve never met such a group of level-headed, down to earth people. It’s kind of refreshing, considering I’ve grown accustom to Geordie pissheads with their thick accents and pseudo-caveman temperment. Sure, you could argue that they’re very pleasant people, quite convictingly, but it’s easy to get pissed off by their lack of tact. You know, “Show us your tits, love”, “I’m fucking bursting for a shit. It’s like I’ve got had a Vietcong soldier up by arse since America pulled out of there” and so on.

I’m studying journalism at Kent University, and have subsequently felt intimidated as fuck by their ferocity, wit and intellect when contrasted with my general lack of thirst for knowledge. Know anything about the resonance of the reformation to the press, as well as the rippling effects of the second reformation act and it’s approach to creating a liberal society in Great Britain? No? Me neither.

Even despite their far superior intellectual temperment, they’re still supportive and always look out for one another. There’s many different cultures, races and philosophies to life at play here- and everyone learns not only to co-exist, but thrive in each-other’s company. So far I’ve met a yank (I’ll have to get used to stop calling her that…), a girl from Hong Kong and a forcefully pleasant woman from Australia; If I had the capacity to understand half of their thirst for knowledge and general optimism, I’d probably be a better man for it.

These are the Pulitzer prize winning, cigar chomping, executive members of the press of the future, folks.

Mirror’s Edge

Well, hello there.

I know I’ve been incredibly tardy with updates to this shitty blog, but bare with me- I’m not leaving you yet.  Since I started at Beef Jack I’ve ascended the journalism ladder and recently acquired the title of ‘editor’. Editor of what you ask? Well, truth be told I’m not quite sure myself.

Apparently my official title is ‘Features Editor’. Groovy.

Recently happened upon a hands on with Mirror’s Edge for the iPhone. I won’t get it, god no- but it’s nice to know that people – besides myself – are still fondly remembering that little gem. Which, despite rumours for a sequel, still remains untouched.

I’ve got a load of work to do, but I suddenly feel a cardinal temptation to revisit the game and prolong the stuff I have to do until the weekends over…

SAXON

Being the ignorant metal enthusiast that I am, I’m very reclusive when it comes to my music tastes. Check my music folder and all you’ll find from that genre is Judas Priest, Testament and Megadeth numbers. I make a conscious decision not to dabble in shitty Spinal Tap-esque bands that conform to the clichés which makes this genre so hard to take seriously. I make, of course, a charitable exception for Judas Priest because they’re impossible to take seriously. And I fucking love them for it.

Take ‘Ram it Down’ from…’Ram it Down’. “Thousands of cars and a million guitars” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? THE SONG SOUNDS GREAT BUT THESE LYRICS ARE FUCKING REDICULOUS…AND I LOVE IT. Anyway, I decided to give Saxon a try after deciding to broaden my musical horizons after consuming the brilliant sound track to Brutal Legend- Having recently picked up ‘The Very Best of Saxon: 1979-1988’ I’d say I’m getting into them.

The first disk of the 3 CD case chronicles their early days, which is quite a bit hit and miss for me. My problem with metal stems with some riffs just sounding generic and copied from other songs – as is the case of with Saxon in their early days – but there are some genuinely great songs here. ‘(747) Strangers in the Night’ is a brilliant track and ‘Wheels of Steel’ was my induction with the band, sorta why I decided to follow up purchasing this collection.

I can’t remember much from the 2^nd disk, but I’ve still got the 3^rd popped in at the number. This on the whole consists of numbers during the Identity Crisis exhibited by bands in the mid 80s attempting to conform to the conventions of metal for pussies from that era. It’s a bit hit and miss, but some of the songs here are pretty damn good- namely, ‘Run Like the Wind’.

Of course, there’s a self referential number that screams “We have ties in the metal community and we’re not afraid to acknowledge it, fuck face”. ‘Denim and Leather’ plays out as a story of the NWOBHM movement, appearing as a statement about the band itself. It’s…eh, alright, just this shit usually annoys me. ‘Die for Metal’ and ‘Warriors of the World’ by Manowar seem to do this, as many other songs by them do. I dunno, I just don’t care for that.

Overall Saxon = Fuck Yeah. I’m not entitled to give an all encompassing opinion about them seeing as it takes a long while for me to get into music, but it makes a pretty awesome first impression.

Call of Royal Mail

My my! What is this parcel with the dimensions of something that appears to contain a CD of some discernable format!

Why...it appears to be a review copy!

So, yeah. Review forthcoming.

I Played Some Games Over the Holidays

Quite a few:

Not Pictured: The hours I sank into Torchlight

  Some (No good ruffians, that is) might point out that this is a token amount of playtime for an experienced gamer like themselves- to them I say I’VE BEEN BUSY. Fortunately I seem to have lapsed from my period of procrastination just in time for the January exams and obligations with Beef Jack. I recently contributed to the Annual Writer Round-up, to which most will noticed this is the first time a caption of me has actually been linked to this site. Don’t recoil in horror, I’m not the bloody elephant man (Interestingly, my editor first had the placeholder image down as a bearded paedophile. No, I don’t take that personally)

 Steam has been ridiculous this year with its deals this holiday. I honestly think I’ve already sank a good £50-70 into the packages they’ve had going, including the id Software pack- not to mention the discounted copies of S.T.A.L.K.E.R and Max Payne 2…even though I already own the bloody physical copies of each.

 I bought Torchlight sometime earlier this year and found myself to have an initially middling experience. I remember the only reason I used to play Diablo 2 was because my brother was forcing me as part of some nefarious scheme to level up his alternative characters…oh, and he also beat me once for refusing to help him. However, having recently mixed in 1 hour play sessions between revision I’ve found the game to be much more palatable- which has to epitomise the term ‘Casual Point and Click RPG’. The troubling thing is…I’m starting to get addicted.

Thanks Torchlight, all my career prospects are now ruined.

Placeholder crap for the 1st anniversary

It’s hard to believe that on December 24^th 2008 (Or Christmas Eve, but sadly World Funk Master Day isn’t a registered holiday…yet) this ambitious young man watched ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’, got incredibly drunk and was instilled with a sense of grandeur- he soliloquised “Yes, I will kickstart my career as a journalist by starting a blog and writing insightful quirks about my day-to-day life. And people will love me! Yes! I’ll become an overnight sensation in terms of hits, then I will receive an offer from a prolific gaming outlet and will be turning down offers for editorials and blowjobs like friend requests on Facebook. Har har! Snarl snar!”. Well, it’s exactly one year later and I haven’t even began to accomplish this goal. In fact, this blog has been quite a bit shit.

But I’ve learned a lot, matured a great deal and gained a lot of confidence. In the space of a year I’ve tried my hand at writing a quirky little series (NOT plagiarised in format from another quirky little series) involving budget spending, I’ve learned the follies of writing to a quota, I’ve learned that being an arrogant cock doesn’t instantly mean traffic and a fanbase, I’ve learned that I should be a lot more choosy as to what outlet I choose to attempt to hone my writing on and I’ve also learned that I lack the requisite attention span to become a proficient journalist…but God damn it, I’m still going to try. Impertinence is a gift.

I remember the time I started this blog I received a second hand laptop from my brother and thought “I R JOIRNALIST”- ironically, I’m writing this on a new laptop and have a contrasting belief. In a year I’ll be off to University (Although, have been expressing serious doubts whether I’ll get there what with this sense of apathy I’ve inherited lately) and I sincerely doubt I wouldn’t have the chance I do to get there if I didn’t have this learning experience to guide me.

It was this film that started it all. And James Stewart. James Stewart is fucking awesome.

Advice for a budding journalist from someone who isn’t quite one:

Office 2007 hates you and your quota: If possible, use an earlier version orwhatever freeware alternative you can. It’s a great piece of software, but don’t bother. Because at least then, you don’t have that bloody icon on the bottom left which reminds you how woefully far away you are from your required word count WHICH IS PISSING ME OFF AS I TYPE

Posterity is a bitch: The reason I haven’t included this blog in my UCAS application, instead favourably boasting about my position as a lowly contributor on Beef Jack was not only because they are probably the best site I’ve wrote for- it’s because I was fucking awful when I started. I don’t want to tempt the notion of you looking at my previous posts…but damn. It was a blessing that in the early days of this blog (And currently leaving it, as of writing) I had completely menial traffic. I’d advise the same for anyone: If you start one and you’re as much of a novice if I was and still am only advertise your blog to close friends and family.

Don’t be a pretentious arse: This I had to learn the hard way. I’ve dabbled in frameworks of writing with a sense of “Ha! I can do this!”, even stealing an interesting format by some poor sod who’s clearly better than me for a series of articles and coming across as trying too hard to be funny. I’m in the process of leaving this phrase.

Be very careful what site you volunteer for: I’ll say this whilst trying to preserve the identity of some sites I’ve wrote for (Because I’ve met some genuinely good people from both), so these flaws apply to them without being specific. Some might require writers only for daily content, any type of cheap source of labour who’ll post at least once a week (But might be genuinely decent people, don’t get me wrong)- others might have the most disorganised editorial staff (But, once again, be decent people). Others might just be pricks who pose as Associate Editor in Chief being lazy as shit and blaming their lack of contributions on “Working behind the scenes”, then bitch about the powers that be and propose leaving and starting a brand new site. Then they’ll avoid any contact whatsoever until the site you originally wrote for actually closes, then propose making an all new site via an email through all your former fellow contributors. Oh shit, I was being specific.

I remember reading some great advice on a site a long time ago about being prudent when updating your blog, because when a potential employer reads over it and realises you’re not punctual with a blog they’ll realise there’s no point in employing you seeing as you can’t stick to a schedule even on something as personal as that. And that is great advice. I can’t make a good excuse why I haven’t been punctual other than a general apathy I’ve had the past year, things I refuse to speak of on this blog

Well, Merry Christmas. Let’s usher in a new decade that’ll be great for us all- although, if the 2012 predictions have any weight in anything (Which they don’t), we won’t be around long to experience it.

Oh, I write for this blog- don’t I?

Been an eventful couple of months, I’ve had hell at college given I’ve got all these January exams and I’ve just begun a tenure as a lowly contributor to Beef Jack. Honestly, I think back when I begun finding a site to write for these guys were one of my first choices- I assumed I’d be rejected in the review process because there was a slight delay in processing my application. The quota’s been a little stressful getting used to, but the team are genuinely delightful and helpful chaps when coming to grips with things.

Also, I’m posting this on my brand spanking new laptop. It was hell using my old PC for writing because I had it connected to my TV for streaming movies. The specs are killer and it’s tempting me to go back to PC Gaming- having just downloaded a copy of Max Payne off Steam. Also, Windows 7 has been amazing so far- I haven’t taken any risks or tried anything specifically taxing processor wise, but I’m assuming it’ll run like a champ.

Looking at this for extended periods of time makes my genitals swell

So. Yeah.

I r hypocrite

Oh, hey! How are you enjoying Modern Warfare 2, you capitalist sons of bitches? Guess you decided not to join into my one man protest.

Wait…

I hate myself.

On a side note, this is my second post in a row relating to Modern warfare 2- and here was me thinking I was original…

Infinity Ward wants to make you Vomit

This face is the emobidment of hate and vile evoked by MW2's leaked footage

So what the hell, right? I’m about a week late to the party and I couldn’t seem to find the blasted leaked ‘Airport’ footage which has stirred so much controversy. The thing I found most gruelling was actually finding a venue to watch the blasted thing, although Game Trailers were more than happy to oblige. I should probably note the following post contains spoilers for both games…so…y’know close the window or something.

Remember the nuke sequence from Modern Warfare? (Spoilers…) That was a pretty twisted depiction of terrorism, to be sure- but how awesome was it? Clearly Infinity Ward is trying to up the ante when it comes to visceral, shocking set pieces. Sure, it’s in pretty poor taste to depict an airport massacre in a – and I loathe this phrase so much, that if it were a person I’d gladly bludgeon it to death -  ‘post 9/11 world’.

Also I should probably note my stint at Massive Damage is coming to a close, due to the founder seeing fit to shut the site down. Given that I’m trying to retain a modicum of professionalism here, I can’t stay much. I’m trying to get into contact with a few sites and am hoping to apply for a new position elsewhere. For anyone that cares (Un-bloody-likely), I’ll post it when I’ve found a new site to write for.

Favourite. Comment. Ever

I love writing. The main reason being, I am usually graced by an array of insightful, often interesting responses by people who read my work. One such example, sourced from a news post I did at Massive Damage:

‘I like to play the games on my pc my console and on my cell phone..

this article was not related to games but it related to technology and i had also hobby to search gadget and latest gadgets and many more so this article was really great in my opinion.’

Thanks for reading!